Welcome to the Pig Pen

Photo by Peter Herrmann on Unsplash

It happens in the blink of an eye.

The person you have known and loved more than anyone suddenly turns on you and becomes the lead character in your worst nightmare.

When your loved one becomes a prodigal, your whole life becomes a whirlwind of questions and uncertainty:

Will things ever be the same?
Why did they do this?
What caused it?
How do I reach them?
Do they still care or even think about me at all?

For those who don’t know me, I am Lindsey Wheaton Doss, the youngest daughter of Karen Wheaton. I am a writer, choreographer, minister, and speaker. I am a wife, a mother of three, and I was a prodigal.

I lived a life of sin, offense, and deception. I was long lost but now I am found.

I am free.

And I am here now to give you what you need most.

Hope.

Hope that this season you’re in is not the book of your entire life. It is just a chapter. It’s not the whole concert. It is just a song. It’s not the whole play, it’s the scene of despair when all seems lost, just before the hero steps in to save the day.

I want to answer some of those questions you have to the best of my ability. There is only One who can give you the specific strategy you need for prayer and peace of mind and ultimate reconciliation, but I can give you some insight into what your prodigal may be thinking or feeling.

That said, first let’s take a look at the prodigal son himself.

“A man had two sons. The younger son told his father, 'I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons. A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money on wild living. About the time his money ran out a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into the fields to feed the pigs. The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding to the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything. When he finally came to his senses he said to himself, “At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger. I will go home to my father and say, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.’” So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’ But his father said to the servants ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for the son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.”

There is so much to be taken from this parable Jesus spoke. First I want us to fast-forward about mid way through the story to the pig pen.

Welcome.

This was my very own home for a couple of years. It is not very pleasant but allow me to show you around. The pig pen is the lowest place one can go and it is exactly the place your prodigal needs to be. It sounds horrible and heartless, I know, but it is the surest way for them to “come back to their senses.”

To us, a pig pen is full of muck and mire, leftover scraps of food, and stinking animals. But look in a bit more context. When Jesus told this story to his Jewish audience, it was so much more than what we envision when we think of pigs on a farm. Swine were the most unclean of animals, one that ate only filth and thus was considered vile and forbidden from being consumed. Jews of course would not have owned pigs, so it is safe to say this young man had landed himself not only in the lowest place he could go but also working for a Gentile. The context Christ is giving us is a place where there was no place more reprehensible or unclean for someone. It would have been the worst possible situation one could find themselves in: cut off from family, penniless, and Godless. Jesus is painting a picture for us of someone whose life cannot get worse.

But there is hope in this place.

Why?

Because the pig pen works.

The pig pen always works.

The pig pen is where people are brought to their lowest place.

And what is that low place?

It is who they are without God.

This is not to say your prodigal does not believe in God. That’s where some of the deception lies. Anyone can be deceived regardless of where they go to church, how often they pray, what position they hold in ministry, etc.

Deception is somewhat different than someone who is simply living in sin.

A sinner is someone who knowingly commits wrong.

Deception, however, is much more cunning.

Deception tells you what you’re doing is not only right, it is what God wants you to do.

Sin is being unfaithful in a marriage and knowing it’s wrong, yet it lacks God’s convicting voice.

Deception will be unfaithful in a marriage and say “God wants me to be happy and there’s really nothing in the Word that tells me I have to stay. Even God told Moses that people could give a notice of divorce so that means He is ok with it. He’s actually been leading me in this direction for a while.”

Yes, these were the actual words I used when I myself was in a season of deception.

So what do we do when our loved one is walking into deception?

You let them walk.

But don’t become hopeless just yet!

There is a specific purpose in letting them walk away.

They will find nothing but the pigs, where there is no hope, no love, and no lasting joy or pleasure.

Sure they may revel in the prodigal life they’re in. They might even enjoy it for a time.

But it will not last. It will not always satisfy them the way it did in the beginning.

They will live those earliest days of “freedom” to the fullest. They will post about it, be public with it, even flaunt it in front of you.

It’s all a facade.

It’s all a mask to cover the emptiness they consume more of every day.

Sure they will find friends (who are not actually friends), they’ll make money (which will still not give them the peace of mind they want so badly), and they’ll jump in and out of relationships (because they can’t stand to be alone and left with their own thoughts.)

What they will not find as a prodigal is what they’re desperately searching for, which is peace, healing, love, joy, happiness, fulfillment, contentment, and, more than anything, God.

What they can find however is the first step to what will lead them to all those things they’re really looking for.

And that first step is the pig pen.

Only when we reach the bottom and lose everything do we realize what we actually have. Until we are without God will we realize just how desperately we need Him. More than that, only when we hit the bottom will we realize the price we’ve paid to have what deception told us would make us happy.

And you – the praying, hoping, hurting loved one – have the most important role in this story; the role that can bring the most magnificent plot twist into this entire drama. You hold the crucial key to ultimately snapping your son or daughter, husband or wife, friend or sibling out of the deception they are in.

Your role is to pray.

There is nothing, and I mean nothing and no one, that can get them out of this hellhole except God. When someone is deceived, you cannot reason with them. It only gets worse each time you try. Like Jesus says in Matthew “Don’t waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don’t throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls and attack you!”

No, your loved one is not the swine. But the evil and the evil one at work in their life – that is what you are fighting, what you do not want to cast your pearls before by arguing and fighting with someone who’s deceived.

The only one who can reach them is God. Only His touch can heal their heart. Only His voice can bring them back.

And He will answer your prayers.

Your prayer matters more, so much more, than you can imagine.

It keeps your own mind in the safest place it can be, which is centered on the One who can bring your prodigal home and heal your own heart in the process.

This will be one of the hardest battles you will ever find yourself in. It will be unspeakably painful.

Nevertheless, you stay in the fight, you hold on in faith, you cling to every promise and every word God gives you. In fact, one of the promises my mom received when I was gone was: “When the battle is over, you will wear the crown.”

Of course, I cannot promise you that they will come back. I so wish I could.

But can they? If you continue to pray, if you let the pig pen happen, can they? Even after they’ve changed so much, done so much, caused so much pain. Can they?

Absolutely.

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